Wishes from my Youth


A sudden dread creeps up my spine
It no longer can align
I search in vain for what to do
When my life is so undone
I’m no longer having much fun
Going through the motions
Is making me weak
Pretending I’m content
Is making me sick
Although cold has swallowed the world
I dwell outside
I want answers
The wind brings with it clarity
The wind brings with it all I see
The wind brings change
I lay under the giant tree from my childhood
I lay a different person
A woman, no longer a little girl
I wonder what my future is
I ponder when my luck will change
And I get lost in those moments
That the little girl inside me created
And the little girl inside me
Still wants more than anything
As a little girl, I desperately fought for those things
For a job that makes me happy
For a man that makes my heart sing
For children to love
For a dog to walk
For a place of my own
For a car that hugs every curve
For a life that is mine
Troubled and happy
Delight in disorder
I fight even harder now, but I can’t seem to get there
Perhaps I should fight with the tenacity of my younger self
Young Maria believed in dreams
Young Maria believed in everything
Young Maria was blissfully happy
Perhaps I can go back in my heart
Perhaps those powerful wishes
From my youth, can rise up again

Disconnecting the Dots (throwback)


Disconnecting the dots of senior year
With many vibrant spots of light that
Grow, that bend, disappear
Those left begin a sequence of memories past
The memories that we hope will last

Disconnect the dots of the final hours
And use our strongest, deepest powers
To keep in mind what designed
Each of us into individual, sublime
Proud, intellectual, motivated seniors!

It’s been 12 exhausting years
With many initial fears
Plenty of bright smiles and laughs
Plenty of narrow frowns and tears
Suddenly our bright future appears

And it seems all of our rich past disappears
Melts into smudges
Molds into lasting smears
Of a single canvassed painting
Composed of all these 12 years

The glamorous sports and clubs start right away
Homecoming week, vacations, and break
For when school we can no longer take
Holidays outline the year in stunning silver and glittering gold
Truth be told we are dazzled with the autumn oranges
To the sensational festive greens and crimson streams
Our wildest, warmest holiday dreams

The Dances, the movies
Those moments we share
The outfits, the letdowns
The “Nobody cares”
Identity and humility
Writing extensive essays on Frankenstein or playing Your Wii
Drinking Red Bull, constant energy
Listening to your I-pod, watching Idol
Watching the relationships grow, crumble, Grey’s Anatomy: the title

The parties, the pizza, the sing-alongs
The fuse ball tables, the Record labels
Going out to celebrate
Going out, coming home late.
The lunch Room
The library and the Computer free periods galore
Work hard, giggle, or just lay back and snore
Brightly-colored birthday balloons
Bake sales, awards, and triumphs we were blessed with
Or the “drama” and life lessons that we were tested with

The plays, the musicals, and V-Shows too
Tear-jerking, eye catching, Perfect too!
The Clubs, the Band, Orchestra and Choir
The ability to join whatever you desire

Math Class, Bio, Cal AP
Trig, French 4, English 3
Tech Theater, Government, Sociology
But the most important class learning from each other

Senior – almost done
It all floods the mind
Of all the things we must leave behind
We must look ahead, march to the podium
In the heat of June
Never forgetting All those senior mornings, nights, and lazy afternoons